I always forget about this thing!

Here I was writing away on a paper journal...Well now the flow has stopped and I'm not feeling much like explaining EVERYTHING that has been going on. I'll try to keep up with this thing. So, I won't ever have to "Catch it up" So, I may be flying the coop...at least give it a try for a few months and see how it goes. It may go well, may go horribly wrong, but at almost 24 it's time to find out, and start learning some more independence and despite the fact Nevan's father also lives in this house, I have an amazing, beautiful, wonderful mother and friend as a roommate and ultimately I based my decision on living with her and seeing how I can handle everything without my mommy. God Bless her she is an angel and I know she would take care of me until death but and I appreciate every second of time she has spent on Nevan and myself, but I gotta do this. Though I must say I have a million mixed emotions about it. I'm sure that's normal though! Well that's the short version of what's up. Catch ya the next time I remember to stop by my page! ;)
xoxo


P.S I enjoy talking (writing) to myself :D

Sorry, been there done that....

and it wrecked me pretty hard emotional. I spilled my heart out to you, I apologized and I took the blame for EVERYTHING that happened between us! You had nothing to say in return, nothing about how you felt for me. "We might be together some day it's not "Far Fetched" Mmm Hmm. I appreciate you being there for me, As a friend. No you can not have a kiss goodbye. (So I can feel all the love I have for you that will never go anywhere.) Fell for it the last, we said goodbye and it made my heart melt. So no I'm sorry, I will not kiss you good-bye and keep telling my heart it's going to happen. You either forgive, love me, and want to be together or you don't. It doesn't take forever to know if you love and want someone "I thought you weren't going to rush me" sounds a lot like, "Let me have my cake and eat it too for awhile." let me fool around, and be technically single before I settle down. No, this is like Deja Vu of a person who ruined me emotionally. A person you know of, a person you hate, so of course I cant say... Stop I feel like this is the same situation as "You know who!" without you being offended. Sorry, we're friends. No we can not cuddle, no I will not kiss you goodbye. The best part is you can't read this! & Sorry I don't believe for one second that SHE isn't the reason you're acting this way. If you could careless about her. You wouldn't defend her, or get so defensive. "People can change, she means well, why do you hate her? you've never even spoken to her." I don't need to, I've seen all I need to see with my own eyes. I am done. I won't mention a reconciliation ever again, I won't tell you I love you ever again, & you won't hear another word about my moving plans again, because you will not be a part of them. I spilled out all my love and apologies in a long message and got back. "Ditto" Oh how personal. It just touched my soul.... Blah Blah Blah SO NO!!  I promised to put my trust in you, but my heart and gut are telling me you are waiting to see what could come of something or someone else. NO! If I'm not your first choice then I am no choice. It took everything I had in me not to bawl my head off today. I'm hurt but I'm going to be strong, I  have too much to get done so my son and I can start our lives in our own home and make a new beginning. I'll find someone who would jump at not just a first chance, but a second too because he can see how great I am. I won't go through this again, I know the signs I know the outcome! God Bless this blog! :) Ahhh that was relieving. P.S When and how long did you really love me? You must be a great actor, because if you love someone as much as you led on you loved me, you wouldn't change your mind so quickly. Good-Bye. Time to move on, crying and all but I'll heal and find someone who thanks god everyday that he has me. PEACE!
        xoxox

I'm ready to go!

I'm motivated and ready to move on with my life. You're welcome for the ride, but only if it's where you want to be. I'm done playing games. I'm going to be dead serious and flat out from now on. If you don't like it, get lost! I know I can do anything, and I know a lot of people who are going to be shocked they doubted me!! Let's get on with the show!
 xoxo

Lies, Lies, Lies

What's so hard about telling the truth!? People want your trust but when you keep breaking it (Whether you know it or not) I know! I'm slick, I am not a fool! You lie and I will know! Yet you keep saying you need to trust people! What hell for you're all liars! It's infuriating!!! 

Live, Love, Loss, Happiness.

I have forgotten about this blog for so long. I finally have a place to let everything off of my chest. I have spent too long deciding what I really wanted in life, that I let it all go. I only have myself to blame. I hurt people who loved me unconditionally. I've let trust issues mess with my mind, let others influence my feelings and decisions. Now all I have left is to well in the fact that everything I wanted I already had, and I pushed it away. I know I only have myself too blame but I still feel lonely, like I lost the other half of who I am. Lost the only person I truly loved. My best friend Now all I can do is focus on, making a better life for myself and my son. Though half of me will always be missing. Everything happened so fast and I had so many different opinions in my ear I never knew who or what to believe. I should have realized this sooner but I didn't. I could have had a family, now it'll be just me and Nevan. I can't wait to find us a place!! :) it's going to be so much fun. I'm so excited to do my own furnishing and decorating! & I hope he is happy or will find someone that will make him happy. Time heals everything but until then I'll cry here and there and blame myself. Think of all of the things I should or shouldn't have done, and always wonder.... Was I that awful, that is was so easy to fall out of love with me. That's life. You live, you love, you lose, and hopefully at the end of the line find happiness!
                  -xoxo

The heart wants what it wants but where do you draw the line?

Touchy subject for me, something I've dealt with for far too long. Sometimes you just never know when to let go, even when you know you should. There's always that head space that despite what you know. thinks things will eventually work out and people will change. Yes, sometimes they do, but how long can you wait feeling confused and unappreciated before you say enough is enough?

"Sometimes the heart see's what invisable to the eye"

It's quotes like this that give you hope and make you think it's okay because you see things others don't in this person, Maybe you do. Maybe you just want yourself to believe that. Bottom line is every girl deserves to be treated like a princess you should be the guys everything. If not let him go, no matter how hard it is. There is someone out there for everyone, it's just a long road to them.

"You can't hurry love you just have to wait"